The Alarming Tale of Three Batteries
Barry and Margaret Williamson
December 2023
December 2023
Thursday. While we were away on a 3-month 5,800-mile Autumnal journey by motorhome and bicycle through Arctic Sweden, Norway and Finland (returning via the Baltic Republics and Poland), our Ford Focus had taken the motorhome’s place in storage on a farm near Hambleton in the Fylde. Arriving back at Margaret’s flat in Thornton, we unpacked the motorhome and drove the 10 miles to the farm over the River Wyre to exchange vehicles. The Ford Focus has remote keyless entry and the car should have lit up in anticipation when it sensed us coming near. But it didn’t. In its cold dark corner of the barn, it looked dead and it was dead.
Hidden inside the remote key lies a simple metal key, which does no more than open the driver’s door, thus giving access to the bonnet release and the engine battery (new in July). We always carry a high-powered jump starter in the motorhome, but it breathed no life into the car. Instead, it just triggered the extremely loud alarm, startling the resident barn owl. Puzzled, we drove the motorhome back to the flat before darkness fell. Maybe the remote key batteries were also flat?
Friday. The next day, after we had a specialist auto-electrical business in Cleveleys fit both our remote car keys with new batteries (CR 2032’s), we returned to the farm in the motorhome, armed with a voltmeter. The engine battery gave a reading of 2 volts (!?*) and again it wasn’t brought to life by our jump starter. The owner/manager of the storage, the patient John Braithwaite (a wonderful Old Norse sur- and place name prevalent in Cumbria and Yorkshire), lent us his battery charger which we left on overnight. We had to disconnect the engine battery since the alarm sounded as soon as its voltage began to rise.
Saturday. The next day we returned to find the car’s engine battery now in good shape with an appropriate reading of 12.8 volts. However, as soon as we connected it up, the alarm sounded and neither remote key had any effect. At this point we called in Green Flag Breakdown to which Margaret subscribes via her Churchill car insurance. Along came a van with affable Mike, who tested the engine battery and also found it to be in good shape. Beyond that he could not go, the alarm sounding when he reconnected the battery and the remote keys having no effect. Complaining that he already had bad ears, he recommended we contacted a specialist auto-electrician. He gave us contact details of one he happened to know, Rick. But it was Saturday and Rick could not be contacted until Monday and was probably very busy. Mike did say Green Flag could tow the car to a local garage or specialist next week if we made the prior arrangements. There was talk of deep, dark, expensive problems lurking in remote in-car computer modules.
Indeed Rick was busy. A recorded message on his phone indicated that he was fully booked for the following week. However, Barry found a company called ‘Open Circuit’ in Blackpool who agreed to come to the storage place at 8.30 am on Monday. They could make a full scan of all the car’s modules, with the possibility of needing a new alarm system which was built in: where only experts knew.
Indeed Rick was busy. A recorded message on his phone indicated that he was fully booked for the following week. However, Barry found a company called ‘Open Circuit’ in Blackpool who agreed to come to the storage place at 8.30 am on Monday. They could make a full scan of all the car’s modules, with the possibility of needing a new alarm system which was built in: where only experts knew.
Later that day back in Thornton, in a moment of inspiration and using his trusty multi-bladed Swiss Army knife, Barry prised open one of the remote keys to find that a new replacement battery had indeed been fitted, but it was the wrong way up! As was the case with the other key. Correcting this basic error, the keys were re-assembled and we waited to try again the following day. Only time would tell.
Sunday. Driving the motorhome to the storage for the fourth time (= a 70-mile round total), the car’s engine battery was re-connected and again the alarm sounded. However, pressing the remote key in the right place magically stopped the alarm and returned the car to its usual fully-operational state. Everything lit up and the engine sprang into life when pressed to do so. The motorhome was at last settled in for its prolonged post-Brexit Schengen-enforced hibernation at the farm: in fact, until 14 February 2024, a likely date when we might be allowed onto the mainland again for another 90-day release. The car finally made it to the flat and we cancelled the ‘Open Circuit’ appointment with apologetic thanks.
Later. Barry did return to the auto-electrical shop in Cleveleys in order to undertake a little essential in-house staff training. They claim to specialise in batteries, but perhaps just the large ones for engines and which can’t be put in upside down?
The moral of this story? When things get ever more complex and begin to run out of control, there is sometimes a very simple answer hidden away, lurking somewhere.
Till the next time . . .
Later. Barry did return to the auto-electrical shop in Cleveleys in order to undertake a little essential in-house staff training. They claim to specialise in batteries, but perhaps just the large ones for engines and which can’t be put in upside down?
The moral of this story? When things get ever more complex and begin to run out of control, there is sometimes a very simple answer hidden away, lurking somewhere.
Till the next time . . .